CHECKLIST: A Girl Named Penny (Freewrite)

I wrote this last year

A freewrite which was a response to an exchange I had with God.

Clothes, check

face, check

full stove, baked goods

shoe game, hair tamed

prays like Hannah and

submits like Ruth and 

honors like Esther and

serves like Dorcas and

available like Mary, 

yes marry...who me?

but

what’s your name? you forget you say?

back to the list

Degree? yes, check

knows how to budget and balance a check

book, reads books

wait, heart check?

skip

I said heart check?

skip

sounds like an out of sync palpitation but

if your talent is loud enough, most won’t hear it

Pretty face on a good day

does it make up for her weight,

wait

pretty words can cover that up

cover girl, smile big

not big on make up 

but made up of 90%

mascara

she says masks scare her

scarred, is she

Is she beautiful? 

What’s her name? you forgot you say?

A Penny for your thoughts, honey

just enough to compensate

So God says to her

Aren’t you tired of trying to defend your definition of value to those clearly illiterate in beauty

I can’t leave you where you are

Aren’t you tired of trying to fit a triangle into a square?

putting boys on thrones when some are spiritual babes still needing their high chairs

You haven’t had a child yet so why are you so content wiping milk off lips?

Potential alone aint never turned a crush into a covenant

hand on the bible, but eyes still seeking coke bottles 

a brother don’t mean to hurt or bother nobody but while his body is in church he still notices the bodies, 

but doesn’t everybody, I mean who doesn’t want a bride with a body

anybody, but not just anybody

more stuck on the shape than her submission to the Head of the body

If you don’t have no body

you are nobody

basic temple geometry

but please, sister anointed lips, could you pray for me?

God spoke to her today and said

I see your knuckles grasped around what you think is your self worth, girl

looks gold on the outside but beneath your grip I see the brass

So let’s trade

Can I have it?

All is not almost 

All is not most

Will you trust me?

you always say that I make beautiful things out of the dust

your heart is tear soaked mud

may I have it, please?

Clay

You fear not the fire

only that once the flames finish, you still won’t be polished

You keep pieces of it because you wonder who would want the Penny

in a world where even dimes are not enough

so when you’ve presented what you think is your best self

good things gift wrapped, you discard the rest

because who would want a Penny when you handed them a hundred dollar bill

do you realize the grevity of telling me “keep the change”?

I am the change, I can’t withhold myself

I can’t let you stay the same

I am not a cashier

you are not a cash exchange

not a grocery list where your best attributes are divided up next to check boxes

this is not a barter for your best parts

I am not looking to buy you on sale

This blood was full price

even one single cent isn’t useless to me

one, single

sent

you are to be used just for me

I 

am not the Adam who left you uncovered

nor his sons who emotionally do the same

I am the Christ whose crimson covered you 

You ask to touch the hem of my garment

But let me sew the hem of your heart

I 

am tailor, and artist, and

I can mold masterpieces out of a mite, too

Might you

Give me all of you?

I can’t leave you

where you

are, you 

tired, yet

of trying to fit a triangle into a square?

I am maker of shapes, and I know where you fit

Not based on how your clothes fit

but custom made for a robe of righteousness

you are not a “she has everything, but”

you will not be worthy, when

you, you are everything I want

Now,

discard your checklist

Penny isn’t your name, Queen

~love, compassion, royalty~

Unity in Diversity: Overcoming Insecurity as a Writer

I got a heartwarming email from an amazingly talented writer and friend in South Africa, Ashleigh Davids. It was encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring. I hope you are as motivated as I was after reading it.

It reads as follows:

Dear friend,

You may not share my battle and this may not be new revelation to you. That's fine. But perhaps this will serve as a reminder or encourage you or someone that YOU know who shares our common gift.

I was reading a blog by my friend, Gabrielle Gibson today. http://qu3eng.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/broken-english.html

Her piece on Broken English (which I'm sure you'll love) is so beautiful. I found myself fist pumping and letting out OOHS and AAHS while reading it and later sharing it on my social media pages.

As a friend, I was proud and impressed by her- and as a writer, I was madly excited and inspired to do better.

Prior to that, I was also listening to a spoken word piece by Itohan Osaigbovo - which touched on a topic that had my thoughts reeling and coaxed me into challenging myself as an individual after God's heart.

I'm sure you have had a similar experience.

Often, the people around us will inspire us with the gift and purpose they have been blessed with, whether it be through their creativity, skill, natural talent, wisdom, knowledge or execution and other spiritual attributes and fruits. Can you believe God's creation??? My mind is blown sometimes. He's amazing!

Unfortunately, more than or instead of praising God for His goodness and the pouring out of His spirit on creation which allows all this splendour to spring forth or simply enjoying and learning from the people around us - we covet what others have or feel insecure about we have and do not have.

I have been guilty of this. I know my skill, my talent, my gift and my purpose - I know my God. Still, I have made comparisons, and felt inferior because certain criteria made it seem like someone else was a better writer and servant than I am or ever will be.

I'm sure you can identify a handful of people in your life who are incredibly good at what they do (writing). And if you line them up in your mind, I can also assure you that none of them are identical but that each one is set apart for His good works.

Dying to my insecurities is a daily action. And part of doing so is acknowledging that I have held envy, low-self esteem, a warped sense of giftings and what I am able to do in this life at my bosom. I have nursed these babes and enabled them, feeding their growth and development in my life. Part of breaking this cycle, is celebrating you and sharing my story, and perhaps encouraging you to do the same for yourself or someone else.

Whether you  battle fears that you are not enough of a theologian, comedian,  scholar of literature and academic genius,  an expert on Christian rhetoric or an entertainer who bears the mark of a skilled artisan or simply feel  like you are not doing God or your faith justice - God sees you, and I have compassion for your journey.

I am reminded today that there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit, differences in ministries but the same Lord, diversities in activities, but the same God who works in all. The manifestation of the Spirit has been given to each one of us for the profit of all. The 12th Chapter of 1 Corinthians speaks about this unity in diversity. At some point we were all Gentiles, carried away to the dumb idols (insecurities) we served, however we were led. And by the grace of God, we can be delivered from that ignorance. God has set us, members of the body, just as He pleased.

If you're troubled by comparisons, be encouraged.

'If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?' 1 Corinthians12:17

'And if they were all one member, where would the body be?' 1 Corinthians 12:19

If you've been liberated from this - HALLELUJAH! If you're healing, PRAISE GOD! If you haven't had this issue, THANK JESUS, and if you are stronger in this area, pray for and assist the weak. If you're starting your journey, the Lord is at hand and mighty to save.

I would think God promotes diversity, let us celebrate it too.

I thank God for your gift, and pray that the greatest of all gifts, being the Love which is God - will continue to make room for you.


Have a wonderful day!

Regards

INFO ABOUT ASHLEIGH:

Ashleigh Davids (21) is located in Cape Town, South Africa. As a writer and storyteller, she hopes to write what He likes, as aptly stated in the tag line of her personal blog, www.ashleighdavids.com. Her journey is full of pot holes, and experience has proven that short cuts don't work out that well. She's chosen the scenic route - life with a God who never fails. Flat tires are not rare, and we all know that gas does not come cheaply. She hopes to always possess enough to give to others and her road trip is accompanied by floetry, teaching and an interest in editorial work for magazines. 

She's terribly gifted with a heart after God's. Make sure you check out her blog!