Wednesday, January 15, 2014

PART 1: Response to "Singleness and Handling A Trivial Pursuit"


Greetings lovelies! 
This post is PART 1 of a two part post responding to an article called 
"Singleness and Handling a Trivial Pursuit"


A very good friend and sister of mine, Brittany, sent me this article:


And BOY did it bless me. Take a moment to read it (it's worth your time) and then come back and read this post...

LOVED.
THIS.
ARTICLE.



This article is basically about responding to trivial romantic pursuits as Christian women...and how to identify the Godly ones.

It's relevant whether you are a young woman or a young man, whether you are single like a dollar bill, or dating, or "friend-zoned", or not so sure what you are. I found myself wishing I read this article months, even years ago. It reiterated things I learned through the teaching of the Holy Ghost, through wise mentors, and not surprisingly, things I learned the hard way. It also gave me a new perspective on other things. Most importantly, it was the type of confirmation that God knew I needed for the my current season.

Do you even like me?: 
Futile Attraction Vs. Intentional Pursuit

Many times I have found myself haphazardly pursued (if we can even call it that) and I became pendulum-like in the process; constantly swinging on the hinges of uncertainty in the grey area of the unknown. Sometimes I didn't know if the young man liked me. Sometimes, his actions implied he did, but his words did not explicitly say so. In other cases, his words stated he did...but his actions did not. I was left without boundaries and with my emotions uncovered by the lad I was involved with. I was tired of guessing. I was tired of the anxiety doubt brought.  I didn't realize how much these interactions fed my phobia of vulnerability, and added to my growing list of men who did not protect me. Not to mention, being that unsure can lure distraction into your thoughts by pushing you to focus more on a guessing game than seeking God's face.

I realized that true pursuit is never half-done. And that the first act a man does to cover you is to trump his own fear of rejection by placing your emotional well being above his...and providing a safe space for your heart by giving you absolutely no room for doubt about his intentions. Just as Christ purposefully pursued us. We can confidently proclaim His love for us because His actions towards us boldly expressed it and He constantly affirms it.

"Christ didn’t pursue his Bride detachedly, opting for non-committal ease. He gave all to ransom her, humbling himself in boundless devotion. And as young (but getting older) women who are the recipients of this kind of love from the Son of God, we should be looking for men who, having received that same kind of love, are ready to give it. Anything less is futile. "

Naively, I thought knowing whether or not he was attracted to me made the difference.
 NOPE!
See, people can be attracted to you or to things about you AND NOT WANT TO PURSUE YOU (or be mature enough to do so). Thus, it didn't really matter if he thought he kinda liked me. If he wasn't going to pursue me for real, I could not hold my breath. Period. Our generation gets too comfortable in the ambiguous and in-between.
The commitment to un-commitment is too high an emotional investment and far too commonplace. 

Also, I learned that it's okay to ask (again, if I don't know the parameter of our involvement, how can I feel safe emotionally?). It is also okay (in fact, in your best interest) to pull away if he is not clear about what he wants. 

"...This is counterintuitive for a lot of us. I hate to think of asking a guy a question that’s going to fluster him. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it, though. Our time as women should be spent investing full-heartedly in every relationship in our lives; this becomes a lot easier when relationships are clearly defined. There is no gray haze of potential necessary: all of your single male friends have the potential to become something more, but until that potential is expressed, give them all equal dosages of your time."

I was guilty of giving out my time to men who asked for it, but didn't honor it. I never wanted to put more energy into our interactions than he did because I didn't know if the nature of his motives were platonic or romantic. I was incarcerated by the vagueness of it all, trapped by confusion. I would spend agonizing hours wondering and analyzing...all energy that could have been preserved by asking a simple question.

 To be clear, a man saying a friendly "hello" doesn't incite this type of conversation. But  if he is asking for a certain amount of my time, through conversation or other wise, it is my right to know whether or not my time should be invested. No matter how intimidating the process of finding that out is. My time, attention, and especially heart, are of high value.  They should be of high value to him because they are of High value to God. We have to make decisions based on that fact.

Most importantly, make sure you are committed and submitted to Christ. Be led by the spirit and not by your emotions...feelings are fickle.  I'm not imploring you to become hard-hearted, but I am encouraging us young women to seek Godly character in suitors and cultivate biblical standards for any one interested in taking up space in our lives and in our hearts. If he is serious about you...you wouldn't have to wonder. So please don't lower your expectations; respect mature men enough to allow them to rise to the occasion. The immature may walk away, but the real men will thank you for it. Invite them to appreciate you, not take advantage of your availability.  I'm also encouraging young men to become like our Savior and take the lead, to walk in integrity, and fulfill their God-given position. Your worth is priceless. And the right person will cherish that. 

At my church, New Life COOLJC, this is the "Year of Pleasing the Lord". And I'm pretty sure these unhealthy patterns are not pleasing or edifying. So, let's leave that in 2013. The best way to gain an understanding of pursuit, is to pursue the heart of God.

I pray you are blessed and learn to guard your heart from foolishness, while keeping it open enough for God's blessing to find you.


Love, Compassion, Royalty
Queen G

What are your thoughts? Respond in the comments below! and click the link for PART 2!


3 comments:

  1. YES! Well said Gabby! I loved the article and I am very sensitive when it comes to relationships. I don't see the point in investing emotions, time, etc into a guy that is not serious. To me it's like giving pieces of myself away. I am also afraid that I am too closed and that if I am not careful I can miss out.

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  2. I feel you! It's a delicate balance. I get where you're coming from and as I talk about in part 2, often find myself caught somewhere between wisdom and fear. We have to be purposeful and mindful of who and what we open our time and emotions to...but we must also trust God to cover us if we truly are after His heart. We just have to let God lead. Wherever His peace is...I often find His will is there as well.

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  3. That part when I start singing, "I SEEEEE THHHHHEEEE LLLLOOOOOOOORRRDDDDD"

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