Wednesday, January 15, 2014

PART 2: Response to "Singleness and Handling A Trivial Pursuit"

Greetings lovelies!
In case you missed it, this is the 2nd half of a two-part post responding to THIS ARTICLE.

 Take a moment to read the article and the first half of the post PART 1...
All caught up? Okay, great!

This article and the last post are basically about responding to trivial romantic pursuits as Christian women...and how to identify the Godly ones.

Coming Correct
As evident in the last post, clearly, I've experienced involvements that lacked genuine pursuit, intention, or integrity. One of the ways this article blessed me was helping me to realize what the presence of pursuit, intention, and integrity looks like once some one gets to likin' lil ol' me.

The gentleman pursuing me meets most...okay, probably all of the criteria highlighted in the article (at this point):

  • HE LOVES JESUS, is full of the Holy Spirit, and honoring God is his focus
  • He prays consistently
  • He serves God; in everyday life and in his church, faithfully
  • He's accountable to his leadership
  • "Did he declare his intent decisively, treating you in a way that values your time and attention above his?" YES
  • "Is he leading in the relationship? Is he checking on you, checking in with you? Is he setting goals, setting boundaries, and continuing to express that intent?" YES
  • Is he a man who "wants to gain your trust through appropriate, Godward affirmation and honesty, not empty romantic blather."? Is he a man who "wants to be accountable to his circle and to yours, and one who puts your well-being and comfort above his own."? YES & YES
  • Is he a man who "in its place, knows how to show a sweet emotional attachment? It’s a risk for him to put himself out there, but one he should be willing to take." YES
Yes, thus far he has been consistent. Yet I have come to realize my walls are much higher than I knew, and it took someone genuinely trying to scale them for me to realize it. I realize the damage from trivial pursuits, selfish manipulation, abuse, and emotional mishandling in the past is deeper than I knew. I am used to flowery words enthusiastically declared with no follow through. I'm used to being told what I wanted to hear so men could get what they wanted. Now, the delicate balance between shielding my heart in wisdom and functioning in fear is a hard thing to manage. I think I clumsily walk the line.

I seek God's direction and approval with earnest, and I think reading this article, along with being prayerful, helped me to realize that maybe I can loosen the clamp on my heart a tad. Safety is in Christ, not an overly calloused heart. Vulnerability cannot be avoided if authenticity is the goal, and something substantial is the desired outcomeI must trust that it isn't all about me having control, but learning to submit to the Holy One who does. And trusting that if I ensure that my heart is truly hidden in Christ, he will go through Him to get it. After all, it's not only my heart on the line, but his heart, too...every time he extends himself to protect mine. I have to respect that he's putting himself out there.

Ideally, the next person I'm with will be the last. However, if by some chance that happens to not be the case, I can trust that this will be a purposeful and edifying exchange because we're both sincerely submitted to the same God, and have identical intentions. And we are committed to cultivating a friendship, not rushing to an altar. So, while I am still going to exercise patience, maturity, and wisdom...accepting the peace of Christ in the midst of this means being anxious for nothing. 


"Perfection is not an option, and men are infamous for their lack of communication. However, is he trying? Because a man who will try is a man I can marry. A man who is paralyzed by the fear of failure or throws up his hands at the first sign of difficulty? He should probably keep it moving. "

I pray you are blessed and learn to guard your heart from foolishness, while keeping it open enough for God's blessing to find you.


Love, Compassion, Royalty
Queen G

What are your thoughts? Respond in the comments below!

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