"Nothing"...A Prayer/Freewrite

HELLO LOVES
I was in prayer at bible study, and prayed utter submission. I told God I wanted Him to utterly take over me, and do exactly what He wanted with me, in me, and through. I then envisioned what it would be like to be completely malleable to God.  I saw myself as this shapeless matter, then as this formless mound of clay. And this is what came out during prayer, and it is the sincerest desire and declaration of my heart.

Nothing (Clay)

A freewrite

10/16/13

I am formless except for Your hand
I am shapeless except for Your fingers
I am empty mass except for Your spirit
I float lest You anchor me
Here, am I, am clay
Am shapeless, formless matter
am indistinguishable and indiscernible
except for Your breath
and warmth of Your palms
I drown lest You lift me
I decay lest You preserve me
I am colorless
but just the right shade of transparent
for Light to shine through
I am flavorless
vague and in distinctive
Contemplating how nothing can chemically cook into sodium chloride
I am scratch
I am start
with me and end in You
begin with nothing
and end in Everything
complete: I am the antonym and You are the answer
I am anonymous lest You name me
An archaeological dig of sorts
An expedition only begetting dirt
Undiscovered lest You excavate
and give meaning to my dust
An Adam Atom
I am both dead air and dead weight
Both Weightless and heavy
Both sinking and rising
Most nothing
Lest You undo and redo me
Mold and renew me
Make me
Something
Here, am I, am clay
I hear You are Master Creator
Cultivating beauty out of vastness
Thou despisest pride
And there is nothing more humble than a clean slate
Except an empty one
I
Am shapeless, formless matter
am indistinguishable and indiscernible
except for Your breath
and warmth of Your palms
I am zero
You are infinity
and becoming Yours is the catalyst of my existence
I become, in You
I am insignificant matter
an insignificant matter
until I mattered to You
I am the darkness on the face of the deep
and you are are the whisper
hear
When I say I give you absolutely nothing
here
I am laying all I am at your feet
I am nothing, now
But I will be evidence
of He who makes something
out of Nothing
Here, am I, am clay




love, compassion, royalty
Queen

GREAT VIDEO: Dating, Ministry, and Advice!

I thought this was an excellent video, filled with wisdom. I just really wanted to share! Be blessed!

LOVE, COMPASSION, ROYALTY

QUEEN G

Good Morning, Fallible (Freewrite)

I wake up desiring to live intentionally

sometimes forgetting I already have the capacity to

that goals are different than wishes

and potential will cuddle with your dreams

but it don’t keep you warm at night

I wake up desiring to be phenomenal

but 15 minutes of sleep and a dose of mediocrity

taste so tempting on insecure lips

it is morphine for the intimidated soul

I got

missed calls from failure inquiring if I’m drunk yet

because I have one billion reasons to remind myself

of geographical lapses in perfection

ditches in my landscape

cavities of mistakes that feign depth

and a landmine for a heartbeat

living here is dangerous

Loving me is life or death

I wonder

If the epic in me is just a daydream

or if she just cowers wearily

in a hidden corner of my being

cause she aint

seen daylight

in a while

I must remind myself

must remind myself

That I am fallible

and I must love me anyway

I wonder constantly if I am amazing only in abstract

but not functionally tangible

I don't want to be touched only in theory

I fear

I am the equivalent of a child’s fairytale book

lost in the projects of Providence

Beautiful on paper, but no match for concrete

like a gust of wind to fairy dust

when the darkness of reality hits

There are seasons where I feel like

I only value myself by accident

traipsing into confidence on happenstance

tragedy

is when the love you release

says return to sender

and you don’t know where to put it

tragedy

is loving others for exactly who they are

but feeling like affection is a foreign language

when you speak kind words to yourself

Google translate doesn't work for that. 

I tried.

My self esteem is starting to look like blurred vision

feel like static

sing like white noise

sing 

like white noise

is my voice just a collision of sound waves clashing

waves crashing

drowning

in an ocean that I taught others to swim in

My holiness has holes in it some days

I pray

my purpose doesn’t leak through

I fear

I am a grand perception and a good idea

that sounds great on paper

but may never live

Maybe I am Angelou’s unwritten poem

Maybe I am the ink that stained Langston’s

fingers

but never

his paper

I must remind myself

God loves me on purpose

must remind myself

That I am fallible

and I must love me anyway

Challenge Accepted.

Unity in Diversity: Overcoming Insecurity as a Writer

I got a heartwarming email from an amazingly talented writer and friend in South Africa, Ashleigh Davids. It was encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring. I hope you are as motivated as I was after reading it.

It reads as follows:

Dear friend,

You may not share my battle and this may not be new revelation to you. That's fine. But perhaps this will serve as a reminder or encourage you or someone that YOU know who shares our common gift.

I was reading a blog by my friend, Gabrielle Gibson today. http://qu3eng.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/broken-english.html

Her piece on Broken English (which I'm sure you'll love) is so beautiful. I found myself fist pumping and letting out OOHS and AAHS while reading it and later sharing it on my social media pages.

As a friend, I was proud and impressed by her- and as a writer, I was madly excited and inspired to do better.

Prior to that, I was also listening to a spoken word piece by Itohan Osaigbovo - which touched on a topic that had my thoughts reeling and coaxed me into challenging myself as an individual after God's heart.

I'm sure you have had a similar experience.

Often, the people around us will inspire us with the gift and purpose they have been blessed with, whether it be through their creativity, skill, natural talent, wisdom, knowledge or execution and other spiritual attributes and fruits. Can you believe God's creation??? My mind is blown sometimes. He's amazing!

Unfortunately, more than or instead of praising God for His goodness and the pouring out of His spirit on creation which allows all this splendour to spring forth or simply enjoying and learning from the people around us - we covet what others have or feel insecure about we have and do not have.

I have been guilty of this. I know my skill, my talent, my gift and my purpose - I know my God. Still, I have made comparisons, and felt inferior because certain criteria made it seem like someone else was a better writer and servant than I am or ever will be.

I'm sure you can identify a handful of people in your life who are incredibly good at what they do (writing). And if you line them up in your mind, I can also assure you that none of them are identical but that each one is set apart for His good works.

Dying to my insecurities is a daily action. And part of doing so is acknowledging that I have held envy, low-self esteem, a warped sense of giftings and what I am able to do in this life at my bosom. I have nursed these babes and enabled them, feeding their growth and development in my life. Part of breaking this cycle, is celebrating you and sharing my story, and perhaps encouraging you to do the same for yourself or someone else.

Whether you  battle fears that you are not enough of a theologian, comedian,  scholar of literature and academic genius,  an expert on Christian rhetoric or an entertainer who bears the mark of a skilled artisan or simply feel  like you are not doing God or your faith justice - God sees you, and I have compassion for your journey.

I am reminded today that there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit, differences in ministries but the same Lord, diversities in activities, but the same God who works in all. The manifestation of the Spirit has been given to each one of us for the profit of all. The 12th Chapter of 1 Corinthians speaks about this unity in diversity. At some point we were all Gentiles, carried away to the dumb idols (insecurities) we served, however we were led. And by the grace of God, we can be delivered from that ignorance. God has set us, members of the body, just as He pleased.

If you're troubled by comparisons, be encouraged.

'If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?' 1 Corinthians12:17

'And if they were all one member, where would the body be?' 1 Corinthians 12:19

If you've been liberated from this - HALLELUJAH! If you're healing, PRAISE GOD! If you haven't had this issue, THANK JESUS, and if you are stronger in this area, pray for and assist the weak. If you're starting your journey, the Lord is at hand and mighty to save.

I would think God promotes diversity, let us celebrate it too.

I thank God for your gift, and pray that the greatest of all gifts, being the Love which is God - will continue to make room for you.


Have a wonderful day!

Regards

INFO ABOUT ASHLEIGH:

Ashleigh Davids (21) is located in Cape Town, South Africa. As a writer and storyteller, she hopes to write what He likes, as aptly stated in the tag line of her personal blog, www.ashleighdavids.com. Her journey is full of pot holes, and experience has proven that short cuts don't work out that well. She's chosen the scenic route - life with a God who never fails. Flat tires are not rare, and we all know that gas does not come cheaply. She hopes to always possess enough to give to others and her road trip is accompanied by floetry, teaching and an interest in editorial work for magazines. 

She's terribly gifted with a heart after God's. Make sure you check out her blog!

Broken English

The following is a freewrite that started as a status:

In discussing whether or not I should use "who's" or "whose" with a friend, I was reminded that English is one of the most difficult languages to exist. Many people have the tendency to think other languages are hard because for many of us, English was our first language, or a language spoken growing up. 

 The reality is that the pronunciations, spelling, and grammatical rules are complex and inconsistent. In 23 years of learning English, I still feel like we're just acquaintances some days. I don't know her as well as I thought I did.

English sometimes feels like a verbal triathalon. It sometimes feels like warmth has to crawl on it's belly through a Sahara of syntax to make it's presence known. It sometimes feels like a ton is attached to the tongue, and communication sounds heavy. Try talking when your tongue has become an anchor. 

Imagine adjusting from the floating fluidity of Italian, or sweet serenade of Zulu, or the dynamic dance of Spanish to the complicated confines of English. It's like telling a dancer she works best at a desk. It's easy to make French sound beautiful and romantic, each syllable is a love story. 

It takes extra effort to make English sound less than computerized and mechanic, 

especially in a society where we try to access love through computers

where we treat people like machines, and emotions like disease, 

where nuance has become a nuisance and intimacy is obsolete.

This is why it is considered a foreign language...it is just as distant poetically as it is geographically.

This is why we love accents.

 They melt the edges off the ice that come with English. They make it warm enough to forget the cold, but not hot enough to change it. Make us forget it's hardened tones before we remember that an accent is simply a heated blanket, and our language still has the bite of winter.

When you grow up loving in another language, she loves you back openly, invitingly, completely. You hear her sprinting through sound waves to touch you. She has cultivated culture in the cadence of hello, and makes greetings sound like romance.

But English is like a hardened woman. English keeps rigid barriers around her heart and you have to work with sweat on brow, back breaking effort to make her stoic face smile, and even then you wonder if it is real. English has been abused, and she sometimes feels cliche. Familiar, but empty. Most give up on her, defeated by her difficulty. People don't like when their words sound like kissing steel, so they settle for a diluted version of her. English won't embrace you like Creole will. She may not even be able to love you back being broken the way she's been. But you still try.

This is one of the reasons why I have such admiration for people who speak multiple languages fluently, or people who did not speak English natively and learned in adulthood. The free flying color that dripped from lips now sounds like black and white ink. Sometimes feels like a monochromatic heartbeat trying to sound like a rainbow again. 

But this is also why I love poets. They make paintings out of water and use their hearts to add color. They mold audible masterpieces out of linguistic concrete. They make English sound like a sunset mid August, where sand kisses ocean and we feel as infinite as she, both of us bodies of water. 

Thank you for the challenge, God. Of being born word lover in New York instead of Venice, or Johannesburg, or Brazil. I know all I have in my arsenal are a pen and a voice box, but I don't mind working a little harder to make Monday sentences sound like sonnets on a Sunday morning. I don't mind finding ten thousand ways to say I love you in a language that only has one word for love.

 I don't mind loving a broken woman.

HOME IMPROVEMENTS: Working on the inside, Working on the outside

Everybody's got a body. This is a call to action.

Be a CASTLE for CHRIST

Let's say my church building had a beautiful interior and a glorious sanctuary...but externally, it was falling apart, the paint on the walls was chipping and the outside of the building was unappealing. Would I say, "well the inside looks beautiful, so who really cares if there's rust on the doors?"

You better believe I would never rest with it staying in that condition! This is the house of God! I have reverence for it! Every part of His house should reflect that honor and reverence. The first thing people see is the outside. They should know from jump that someone cares deeply about the purpose of this building.

[insert LIGHTBULB moment here]

Jesus reminds me daily that I am a temple. Not made of bricks, but flesh and blood. Jesus lives here! This is the house of God! I have to have reverence for it! 

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?"

1 Corinthians 3:16

So, I have resolved to make some home improvements. As I'm allowing God to work on my heart and spiritual health, I want Him to work on the WHOLE HOUSE as well.

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

1 Corinthians 6:20 KJV

A spiritual foundation is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING (and I cannot stress that enough). However, every part of my body and my life should be evidence of striving for excellence because as a child of God, I REFLECT HIM! Only presenting some areas beautifully is like saying that the beat up building with the beautiful sanctuary is okay. 

What is the way you present yourself and care for yourself saying about who you serve?

As marvelous and adorned as the temple Solomon built was, God yet chose His children to be His temples. Walking epistles, in fact! We are to be living, breathing proof of the Word (2 Corinthians 3:2-3). Yes, that means US, flawed and imperfect as we are. He could have chosen absolutely anywhere to dwell...and He has sanctified us that He might dwell right in our hearts. The GOD of the universe CHOSE to live here! Let that sink in.

If God is living here, it should be the best possible residence for Him. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I don't want to limit the way God wants to be glorified, the way God wants to move, or the way God wants to use me by lack of health in any of those areas.

So many of us live in extremes. We are so obsessed with the superficial that we spiritually starve to death, or we are so uber holy that we neglect our bodies, our appearance, and a host of other things.

Is it crazy to think that we should consider God in everything we do...even something as simple as what we wear or what we eat? I don't think it is! If we're in Christ, our bodies, souls, and spirits belong to Him.

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

1 Corinthians 6:19 KJV

EVERYTHING is His. And we do everything as unto the Lord! So, how you talk to people, how you dress, how you take care of yourself, how you think...that's all a form of worship!  It doesn't begin and end during church service.

I firmly believe that God wants holistic health and holistic prosperity for us! He is concerned about every single part of you, your WHOLE being. We put God in a box if we believe otherwise. Our mind, body, soul, and spirit are all connected. I believe everything in the natural is tied to the spiritual, and we can't reach our full potential trying to compartmentalize and separate the spiritual from everything else. He wants our faith to abound as well as our fitness, family, and finances. No, I'm not saying everyone will be rich, but we are all called to live richly through Christ. Rich relationships, rich revelation, rich experiences in Him and through Him.

"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth"

3 John 1:2

There is NOTHING mediocre about a child of God. 

He wants the best for us. He has literally given the greatest thing He could for our very sake...HIMSELF.

So, will dressing raggedy send you to hell? Will being physically unhealthy pull you out of heaven? No, probably not. BUT why wouldn't we seek to exemplify abundant life? Why wouldn't we want every area of our lives to be a perfect atmosphere for God's name to be glorified?

This isn't about having loads of money, or looking like a supermodel. This is about being your best self.

It's time for a life check. Are you the building with the jacked up exterior and gorgeous interior? Or are you the beautiful building with a run down interior (1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 3:3-4)? Are you somewhere in the middle?

I'm on a mission to make some life changes. I want to live in the more of God, and the best of my purpose. Who is with me?

Take honor for this temple. Do the very best with what you have, as unto the Lord, and God will do the rest. I promise...actually, He promised.

love, compassion, royalty

Queen

P.S. What are some HOME IMPROVEMENTS you are making? What's your take on this? Let me know in the comments below!

Lips of Character

At my church, this is the year of "Get Healthy, Stay Healthy". And I'm trying to invest in life changes to be holistically healthy in every area of life.

I've been eating Proverbs for breakfast, recently. Let me tell you, there is a Word in there for everything.
And it SURELY caught me this morning.

I'll be honest. I sometimes do things in excess. No, I'm not talking about that extra cookie (though I'm definitely guilty of that, too).

I talk too much.

Not in an, "I'm ready to gossip or tell secrets way". I'm actually a pretty good confidant. I am just a natural born talker. As a writer, as a poet, an artist, and a speaker, it comes with the territory. And it has its perks (say, when networking, or improvising in a presentation or performing under pressure).

However, I am really in the refining fire, and a prudent speaker is so invaluable. In relationships, in ministry, in life. Temperance is a fruit of the Spirit, right?


According to James 1:9, I should be "swift to hear, slow to speak". I am learning that a woman who knows when to hold her tongue is a woman of wisdom (and we know how important that is from this post).

James 3:8 ESV says "no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil,full of deadly poison." This is pretty intense. I get a few things from this, including  1. It's in our nature for our tongue to be out of control, 2. our words can be VERY dangerous...fatal even, and  3. the ability to put our tongue into subjection doesn't come from human power..so it has to come from the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit. To get it right we have to give ourselves over to God and submit to the guidance of His Spirit.

The Word says the tongue is a restless evil. Jermemiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?".  Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45 tell us that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks". There's a parallel in here somewhere. I surmise that If our hearts change, our speech will, too.  And you know what? If my mouth is under subjection of the Holy Spirit, then it's safe to say the rest of me is, too.


I am often praying in this season that:
-God guards my lips
-every word is spoken under the discretion of His Spirit
-God teaches me to bask in the beauty of silence
-I only speak when it improves upon that silence
-as a friend, I learn when to just listen versus when to speak encouraging words
-everything I speak is genuinely in sincerity and LOVE


I am also learning how powerful the words of a child of God truly are...as strong as life and death (Proverbs 18:21). We can literally shape our experiences, our future, our relationships by the words we use and the words we receive. We can liberate others or incarcerate them. I frequently see a bad habit of saints just throwing around words like they are merely sounds with little significance. Any words spoken have weight. But the words of a child of God?...

We are filled with the very Spirit that spoke the WORLD into existence. I mean, before there was anything that was made, there was the Word (John 1). That's powerful. And that's the same Spirit that gives us the authority not only to speak against the enemy, but to speak over ourselves. We declare things into the atmosphere that actually manifest. I mean, Jesus spoke to a fig tree and cursed it...then told us we have the same ability!

That's a big deal. And big responsibility. Which is more reason why I want to be wise with how I wield that power. I want to edify! Not destroy. Not be wasteful with words that just fill up space, or do not produce profit. I want my words to matter. My words give a glimpse of my heart and paint a portrait of my character. The Word says "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." (Proverbs 21:11)

I want lips of Godly character. What about you?

"On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found...
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom...
whoever restrains his lips is prudent...
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable...
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver...
The lips of the righteous feed many...
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life...

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses"

Proverbs 10:11,12,13,20,21,31,32

So, the next time you're in the mirror, and you're applying your lip gloss or chapstick, and you're puckering up... take a moment to say a prayer. And consider the fruit they bear. Are they feeding the Kingdom?

love, compassion, royalty

Queen G

WISDOM...WIFE?

Last weekend there was a revival at my church. A life-changing revival, preached by a tornado of anointing in the person of District Elder Zulu, by way of West Africa. I have not the time or the arsenal of vocabulary to accurately describe the way the Holy Spirit moved, or the ways in which I was impacted. In the midst of that, he taught us some things about wives. A wife should be: W.I.F.E. WiseIndustriousFaithfulEconomical So, you know, after hearing this we're all thinking, "wow, how clever! Am I all of these things?"I am a 22 year old woman (23 in 12 days!). I got the school thing down (by the grace of God), I am faithful in church, growing and learning in ministry, and a I am madly in love with the Lord. At this point of my life, you know what's on my mind every so often, right? MARRIAGE! It's not a consuming desire, but I aint got no time to bluff. As much as I am loving singleness, few things I desire to be more than a mother and a wife. The ministry of marriage is a beautiful and sacred thing to me. And in due time, I look forward to it. And I know that I am in good company. Keeping this in mind, I am regularly checking my heart to the standard of Christ...and quite frequently finding there are MANY things I need to work on and blemishes that have to be worked out of me. I first have to make sure I am a good, humble, and submissive bride to Christ before I ever even think about being a bride to an imperfect human. Today, I during my bible study, I decided to read that good ole wisdom book...PROVERBS! And I was pretty much blown away by what God showed me. Firstly, wisdom is addressed as a woman. Proverbs 8 says wisdom is above jewels, better than choice gold and silver. Take my instruction instead of silver and knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is better than jewels,     and all that you may desire cannot compare with her...My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold,    and my yield than choice silver (Proverbs 8:10-11,19 ESV) Does this sound familiar? Hmm...well to me, sounds a bit like Proverbs 31 and the virtuous woman. An excellent wife who can find?     She is far more precious than jewels...She opens her mouth with wisdom,     and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:10,26 ESV) For those who don't know, most of Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous, God fearing woman and wife. It paints a portrait of the type of woman and wife we should strive to be. Her example is so important because she exhibits the Christ-like traits through her position of womanhood. Back in Proverbs 8, it ALSO states that he who obtains wisdom obtains favor from the Lord For whoever finds me[wisdom] finds life     and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 8:35 esv) Isn't that interesting? This sounds familiar as well! He who finds a wife finds a good thing     and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22 ESV) On the other hand, folly is actually described as a seductive woman. The woman Folly is loud;     she is seductive[h] and knows nothing. (Proverbs 9:13 ESV) She looks good, but is full of nothing and is in no way beneficial or profitable to your soul.  Proverbs constantly teaches about the wrong kind of woman...the type that is alluring and attractive, but leads to demise. It makes it clear that beauty and charm are not the principle things. In fact,  Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,     but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 ESV) 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7 KJV) I don't believe these are coincidence, I believe these parallels are very intentional. I surmise that when God says to a man "go get a wife", He isn't merely telling men to just grab the first fine and available woman. He is inviting men to attain a gift of wisdom by loving a Godly woman. So, when a man obtains a wife, he SHOULD be OBTAINING SOME GODLY WISDOM by attaining her...a great part of that favor He promises will manifest from her wisdom. What does that tell us ladies?  If we aren't wise, we aren't wife material. Period. Men, HEAR THIS: A foolish woman cannot become a Godly man's favor! #Lifecheck Far too many women are focusing on attributes that sound more like the person of folly than of wisdom. What are you doing to obtain wisdom? Where does it rank on your hierarchy of characteristics to cultivate? We've got to evaluate ourselves. I know I have a lot of work to do. In all our getting, we need to strive for wisdom and understanding. Gain skills, get fit, present yourself well...I support ALL of those things tremendously (and so should you)! BUT It is my humble opinion that WISDOM will make you more a Christ-like wife than any amount of cooking or cleaning ever will.  Great reads about self evaluation and preparation for marriage: Intentional or Not? Let's talk Marriage...a blog post written by my wise and wonderful sister Brittany and this blog by my wise twitter sister, Alana considering the lily (I suggest you read: The Case for Courtship, The (In) significance of Marriage and dear future wife) love, compassion, royalty Queen G

I'm sorry! I missed you!

I must confess that I don't realize how much I should be blogging until I return from a hiatus. I've been tweeting the things I should be blogging...shame!

But I'm taking a short break from twitter. And I'm going to work on pouring into this blog a little more. Even if one person is helped, one single solitary soul, it is more than worth it.


There are so many things that could be *beneficial* that I have missed the opportunity to write about...but no more!

So many things have happened since my last post. It's less that two weeks to my 23 birthday and I am doing some house cleaning to prepare for the "new year" so to speak. A lot of heart cleaning in addition to my belongings.

To be transparent for a moment, I could use more discipline, clarity, consistency. I'm in a very strange season. But it's a season of preparation! For something more great than I think I actually realize.

Enough rambling. I just wanted to say I missed you. And I love you. And thank you for taking this journey with me.

love, compassion, royalty

Queen

Love Hurts...Good *first post in forever*

I can be so neglectful of this blog!
Life is absolutely FULL! Full time work, full time student, community worker, and over ministries at my home church (pray for me y'all) BUT all is a blessing. I will be blogging more often, especially now that I have a new and working laptop!

anyway, this has been on my heart during this season of fasting. I thought I would see the glory of God during this 21 day journey! I thought crazy supernatural things would happen...and they did, just in a way I did not expect.

God sent revelation...but it was about MYSELF.

Christ's love is abundantly more than material provisions or warm and fuzzy emotions...

His love finds me, in my ugliest and most dark places. 
His love says, "I see you for all you were, all you are, all your faults, and all you've done...and I pour out a rushing river of unconditional love in spite of it and because of it". 
and in the same breath His love then shows me the most un-Christlike parts of my heart and says "now let's clean this up and fix it. I have plans for this heart to look just like mine".

and instead of a pat on the back to seal my stagnation, he places my imperfect soul under a raging waterfall of His most perfect and most purifying Blood and says, "wash in me". He knows I don't need a shower of compliments...I need a Blood bath.

Instead of placing a bow on areas in need for growth and giving the gift of mediocrity, He rents the veil of my heart and digs soul deep to uproot any tree that is not of His righteousness, and then plants seeds of his beauty down in the depths of me instead.

His love is too beautiful to leave me content with a syrupy superficial perpetration of love, the one that runs off of feel nice; the kind encrusted with confectionery complacency... and He is rather adamant about the love that makes me good, the love that is good for me; He left feel good in my yesterdays so I might feel God instead.

He loves me beyond my feelings and into my purpose. Because anything less than my full potential, anything less than the woman He created me to be, anything less than the anointing designated to pour as oil from this very vessel, anything less than the joy of righteousness that is birthed from the conviction of holiness just is not enough for His princess.

Sometimes "self" is detrimental to our destiny. The weight of it is so heavy spiritually it is crushing and suffocating, and we don't always realize that it can be the source of the scales that so frequently cover our eyes. Thus, true love hurts...but only hurts good. It heals. It is the opening of our eyes and supernatural oxygen into the lungs of our soul. It pushes you away from yourself and pulls you toward the force God created you to be. It is too powerful be anything less.