PART 2: Response to "Singleness and Handling A Trivial Pursuit"

Greetings lovelies!

In case you missed it, this is the 2nd half of a two-part post responding to THIS ARTICLE.

 Take a moment to read the article and the first half of the post PART 1...

All caught up? Okay, great!

This article and the last post are basically about responding to trivial romantic pursuits as Christian women...and how to identify the Godly ones.

Coming Correct

As evident in the last post, clearly, I've experienced involvements that lacked genuine pursuit, intention, or integrity. One of the ways this article blessed me was helping me to realize what the presence of pursuit, intention, and integrity looks like once some one gets to likin' lil ol' me.

The gentleman pursuing me meets most...okay, probably all of the criteria highlighted in the article (at this point):

• HE LOVES JESUS, is full of the Holy Spirit, and honoring God is his focus
• He prays consistently
• He serves God; in everyday life and in his church, faithfully
• He's accountable to his leadership
• "Did he declare his intent decisively, treating you in a way that values your time and attention above his?" YES
• "Is he leading in the relationship? Is he checking on you, checking in with you? Is he setting goals, setting boundaries, and continuing to express that intent?" YES
• Is he a man who "wants to gain your trust through appropriate, Godward affirmation and honesty, not empty romantic blather."? Is he a man who "wants to be accountable to his circle and to yours, and one who puts your well-being and comfort above his own."? YES & YES
• Is he a man who "in its place, knows how to show a sweet emotional attachment? It’s a risk for him to put himself out there, but one he should be willing to take." YES

Yes, thus far he has been consistent. Yet I have come to realize my walls are much higher than I knew, and it took someone genuinely trying to scale them for me to realize it. I realize the damage from trivial pursuits, selfish manipulation, abuse, and emotional mishandling in the past is deeper than I knew. I am used to flowery words enthusiastically declared with no follow through. I'm used to being told what I wanted to hear so men could get what they wanted. Now, the delicate balance between shielding my heart in wisdom and functioning in fear is a hard thing to manage. I think I clumsily walk the line.

I seek God's direction and approval with earnest, and I think reading this article, along with being prayerful, helped me to realize that maybe I can loosen the clamp on my heart a tad. Safety is in Christ, not an overly calloused heart. Vulnerability cannot be avoided if authenticity is the goal, and something substantial is the desired outcome. I must trust that it isn't all about me having control, but learning to submit to the Holy One who does. And trusting that if I ensure that my heart is truly hidden in Christ, he will go through Him to get it. After all, it's not only my heart on the line, but his heart, too...every time he extends himself to protect mine. I have to respect that he's putting himself out there.

Ideally, the next person I'm with will be the last. However, if by some chance that happens to not be the case, I can trust that this will be a purposeful and edifying exchange because we're both sincerely submitted to the same God, and have identical intentions. And we are committed to cultivating a friendship, not rushing to an altar. So, while I am still going to exercise patience, maturity, and wisdom...accepting the peace of Christ in the midst of this means being anxious for nothing. 

"Perfection is not an option, and men are infamous for their lack of communication. However, is he trying? Because a man who will try is a man I can marry. A man who is paralyzed by the fear of failure or throws up his hands at the first sign of difficulty? He should probably keep it moving. "

I pray you are blessed and learn to guard your heart from foolishness, while keeping it open enough for God's blessing to find you.

Love, Compassion, Royalty

Queen G

What are your thoughts? Respond in the comments below!

PART 1: Response to "Singleness and Handling A Trivial Pursuit"

Greetings lovelies! 

This post is PART 1 of a two part post responding to an article called 

"Singleness and Handling a Trivial Pursuit"

A very good friend and sister of mine, Brittany, sent me this article:

http://www.raanetwork.org/trivial-pursuit/

And BOY did it bless me. Take a moment to read it (it's worth your time) and then come back and read this post...

LOVED.

THIS.

ARTICLE.

This article is basically about responding to trivial romantic pursuits as Christian women...and how to identify the Godly ones.

It's relevant whether you are a young woman or a young man, whether you are single like a dollar bill, or dating, or "friend-zoned", or not so sure what you are. I found myself wishing I read this article months, even years ago. It reiterated things I learned through the teaching of the Holy Ghost, through wise mentors, and not surprisingly, things I learned the hard way. It also gave me a new perspective on other things. Most importantly, it was the type of confirmation that God knew I needed for the my current season.

Do you even like me?: 
Futile Attraction Vs. Intentional Pursuit

Many times I have found myself haphazardly pursued (if we can even call it that) and I became pendulum-like in the process; constantly swinging on the hinges of uncertainty in the grey area of the unknown. Sometimes I didn't know if the young man liked me. Sometimes, his actions implied he did, but his words did not explicitly say so. In other cases, his words stated he did...but his actions did not. I was left without boundaries and with my emotions uncovered by the lad I was involved with. I was tired of guessing. I was tired of the anxiety doubt brought.  I didn't realize how much these interactions fed my phobia of vulnerability, and added to my growing list of men who did not protect me. Not to mention, being that unsure can lure distraction into your thoughts by pushing you to focus more on a guessing game than seeking God's face.

I realized that true pursuit is never half-done. And that the first act a man does to cover you is to trump his own fear of rejection by placing your emotional well being above his...and providing a safe space for your heart by giving you absolutely no room for doubt about his intentions. Just as Christ purposefully pursued us. We can confidently proclaim His love for us because His actions towards us boldly expressed it and He constantly affirms it.

"Christ didn’t pursue his Bride detachedly, opting for non-committal ease. He gave all to ransom her, humbling himself in boundless devotion. And as young (but getting older) women who are the recipients of this kind of love from the Son of God, we should be looking for men who, having received that same kind of love, are ready to give it. Anything less is futile. "

Naively, I thought knowing whether or not he was attracted to me made the difference.

 NOPE!

See, people can be attracted to you or to things about you AND NOT WANT TO PURSUE YOU (or be mature enough to do so). Thus, it didn't really matter if he thought he kinda liked me. If he wasn't going to pursue me for real, I could not hold my breath. Period. Our generation gets too comfortable in the ambiguous and in-between.

The commitment to un-commitment is too high an emotional investment and far too commonplace. 

Also, I learned that it's okay to ask (again, if I don't know the parameter of our involvement, how can I feel safe emotionally?). It is also okay (in fact, in your best interest) to pull away if he is not clear about what he wants. 

"...This is counterintuitive for a lot of us. I hate to think of asking a guy a question that’s going to fluster him. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it, though. Our time as women should be spent investing full-heartedly in every relationship in our lives; this becomes a lot easier when relationships are clearly defined. There is no gray haze of potential necessary: all of your single male friends have the potential to become something more, but until that potential is expressed, give them all equal dosages of your time."

I was guilty of giving out my time to men who asked for it, but didn't honor it. I never wanted to put more energy into our interactions than he did because I didn't know if the nature of his motives were platonic or romantic. I was incarcerated by the vagueness of it all, trapped by confusion. I would spend agonizing hours wondering and analyzing...all energy that could have been preserved by asking a simple question.

 To be clear, a man saying a friendly "hello" doesn't incite this type of conversation. But  if he is asking for a certain amount of my time, through conversation or other wise, it is my right to know whether or not my time should be invested. No matter how intimidating the process of finding that out is. My time, attention, and especially heart, are of high value.  They should be of high value to him because they are of High value to God. We have to make decisions based on that fact.

Most importantly, make sure you are committed and submitted to Christ. Be led by the spirit and not by your emotions...feelings are fickle.  I'm not imploring you to become hard-hearted, but I am encouraging us young women to seek Godly character in suitors and cultivate biblical standards for any one interested in taking up space in our lives and in our hearts. If he is serious about you...you wouldn't have to wonder. So please don't lower your expectations; respect mature men enough to allow them to rise to the occasion. The immature may walk away, but the real men will thank you for it. Invite them to appreciate you, not take advantage of your availability.  I'm also encouraging young men to become like our Savior and take the lead, to walk in integrity, and fulfill their God-given position. Your worth is priceless. And the right person will cherish that. 

At my church, New Life COOLJC, this is the "Year of Pleasing the Lord". And I'm pretty sure these unhealthy patterns are not pleasing or edifying. So, let's leave that in 2013. The best way to gain an understanding of pursuit, is to pursue the heart of God.

I pray you are blessed and learn to guard your heart from foolishness, while keeping it open enough for God's blessing to find you.

Love, Compassion, Royalty

Queen G

What are your thoughts? Respond in the comments below! and click the link for PART 2!

GREAT VIDEO: Dating, Ministry, and Advice!

I thought this was an excellent video, filled with wisdom. I just really wanted to share! Be blessed!

LOVE, COMPASSION, ROYALTY

QUEEN G

Good Morning, Fallible (Freewrite)

I wake up desiring to live intentionally

sometimes forgetting I already have the capacity to

that goals are different than wishes

and potential will cuddle with your dreams

but it don’t keep you warm at night

I wake up desiring to be phenomenal

but 15 minutes of sleep and a dose of mediocrity

taste so tempting on insecure lips

it is morphine for the intimidated soul

I got

missed calls from failure inquiring if I’m drunk yet

because I have one billion reasons to remind myself

of geographical lapses in perfection

ditches in my landscape

cavities of mistakes that feign depth

and a landmine for a heartbeat

living here is dangerous

Loving me is life or death

I wonder

If the epic in me is just a daydream

or if she just cowers wearily

in a hidden corner of my being

cause she aint

seen daylight

in a while

I must remind myself

must remind myself

That I am fallible

and I must love me anyway

I wonder constantly if I am amazing only in abstract

but not functionally tangible

I don't want to be touched only in theory

I fear

I am the equivalent of a child’s fairytale book

lost in the projects of Providence

Beautiful on paper, but no match for concrete

like a gust of wind to fairy dust

when the darkness of reality hits

There are seasons where I feel like

I only value myself by accident

traipsing into confidence on happenstance

tragedy

is when the love you release

says return to sender

and you don’t know where to put it

tragedy

is loving others for exactly who they are

but feeling like affection is a foreign language

when you speak kind words to yourself

Google translate doesn't work for that. 

I tried.

My self esteem is starting to look like blurred vision

feel like static

sing like white noise

sing 

like white noise

is my voice just a collision of sound waves clashing

waves crashing

drowning

in an ocean that I taught others to swim in

My holiness has holes in it some days

I pray

my purpose doesn’t leak through

I fear

I am a grand perception and a good idea

that sounds great on paper

but may never live

Maybe I am Angelou’s unwritten poem

Maybe I am the ink that stained Langston’s

fingers

but never

his paper

I must remind myself

God loves me on purpose

must remind myself

That I am fallible

and I must love me anyway

Challenge Accepted.

Remember Me

I remember when he called me to tell me he loved me

not imagining a ring on my finger type love…more like

if there was a bullet cutting through wind and time he’d let it pierce him like an earring. only diamond though, no zirconia.

an I love you like, he wants to be by my side

near my heart

touching my hand

but never inside me, within my heart, or holding my hand

He called to tell me he loved me half drunk and fully aware that life was far more fragile than the glass bottle in his hand 

and more perplexing than inebriated black hole heartbeats can fathom

He called because death kissed his brother that day some years ago, and life left him like man afraid of commitment the morning after a one night stand. stole what it wanted, and jet.

 and so he wanted me to know, I mattered. slurred words, good intentions and midnight. shaken, not stirred.

and I wanted to love him right back, Lord. I did love him right back. I loved him like a tsunami crashing the sahara…nonsensical, non-sensible, ironic, overwhelming and out of place… but so refreshing.

and he pretty much loved me like chemo to cancer…kinda making me well but had me vomiting my soul up, stench of a sick girl rose up, trading death for poison. but he loved me the best he could, God. He did. and I thought I needed Him to get better.

and I wanted to love him like forever was a millisecond and by the time he said my name he had already been washed with eternities of unconditional

but why did I still see a film of depression lacquered pride like dust still dirtying dry bones?

I guess, Lord…forever with humans

is short. Like an unfinished text message and awkward silences that stretch miles over a passionate man trapped in a scarred scared boy’s fences. My love just couldn’t quite leap that high. His walls reached heaven but couldn’t touch You. I think I spent too much time in your presence to linger in His anymore. so I left our dysfunction like a cloud of sour smelling stench that just sits somewhere between letting go and letting God.

but for some reason, over a year later,

I remember that day. I remember him calling me to tell me he loved me. and how much I loved him. and how I would melt into the ocean just to move along this earth for him. and how I left all that love in the seas to swim deeper in your Living waters. I just held my breath and breathed you in and floated away from the one thing tied so deeply into my heart that he was sewn into my skin (I wonder if the world still sees the stitches?). I left him to Love you better.

and yet in this moment, I’ve abandoned you. We still talk everyday, but not like we should. Not like you are the essence of all good things and I am impetuously passionate enough to divulge every moment in surrendering to your flood.
 I spend time with you, but how dense is a pebble when You are the oceans floor and the salty solution that fills it? The matter filling the galaxy and the Creator of it? 
How did you let me leave you when I never deserved your presence in the first place? I’m in your bosom but I can’t even look in your eyes….I know you’re staring at me. When did distraction deteriorate the position of disciple? when did sacrifice seem so far and settling settle at home in my heart? I’m loving you deeply God. But not desperately enough. 

I’m consuming food instead of more of you. I’m inhaling air as if it necessitates my life more than You. How can I drown in your depths when my flesh is content with floating? How did I ever get to the place where my actions said that you were not worth it? Lord, your blood has never dried. I bathe in it every morning. Lord, your love has no expiration date. There is no mold encrusting on the edges of your grace. It is I who decays. 

Even now these words feel like a mite in the hands of Heaven. I’m exhausted at the thought of how much words would weigh if they properly fit You. certainly not enough for my mouth to carry. certainly not enough for these fragile fingers, for these mortal hands.

unworthy is written in ashes on this body, and my skin has become sackloth. I mourn the time spent away from your heart. I mourn the minutes spent drawn from your glory. Yeshua, I am pitiful. Abba, pour out on me, even a little oil, even a drop, that I might adorn in your grace. Do you still accept the prayers of a peasant’s praise?

So at the foot of the Cross, Daddy, remember me. Rewind my desires to the beginning of time, where the Word was. Let me dwell there. Every day you call me. you tell me you love me. Your heart rings for me to answer. but somehow somedays the computer picks up before I do. “She’s busy, leave a message” it says. not today, God.

be the mist in the air, the morning dew on my chest, the electricity in skin, the bite of my mouth, the honey off my tongue, the heat in my spirit, the spark in my blood, the purpose of purpose and the presence of my hunger.

keep my face in your book

and my head to the floor

and my passion on it’s knees

nothing compares to You. Not full days or silent nights, not words about You that hollow at the center, or songs that sing your name in vain, not a few moments a day nor just enough to get by.

inundate me, Lord.

fill me up, God. fill me up.

a study on LOVE...

So last summer I did a study on 1 Corinthians 13, the LOVE chapter. These were some of the things the Lord showed me through the study. Hope it blesses you!

LOVE STUDY

To gain a new perspective, try reading the entire chapter each time replacing the word "charity" with: *the Love of God *the love of self *the love of others

-Love for self & others always rejoices in TRUTH...even in chastisement

-Love believes all things God Says Love bears all things God says Love hopes in all things God says

-Love endures despite myself or situation (self love)

-Perseverance towards improvement is a form of love: for God and for self

-Love NEVER fails! Do LOVE and it will DO what it should...LIVE LOVE!!

-all things WITHOUT love of God, Self, and Others is incomplete and SHALL fail; LOVE completes!!

-It takes maturity to understand the completeness & essential requirement of love. 

-As we learn & grow in love, so do our actions since love is shown in action

-Love is light; It illuminates

-Love quickens: is lively/alive, brings life

-love is not judgmental

-Love does not ALWAYS feel like what it has to say is more important that whatever else is being heard....even silence!

-Love seeketh not her own...be self-LESS!

-Love is not easily provoked by people or by circumstances; love gives soft answers (control & temperance)

-Loving yourself is being patient with yourself

-Loving God is being patient even when you don't have an answer or don't know what to do...Patience and obedience are actions of trust built on love

-True self love is generous; If you love yourself, you don't allow yourself to be easily angered or provoked for your own best interest, balance, and peace! Self love doesn't support evil thoughts

-True self love is the opposite of conceit; it is humility

-Love thinks no evil towards God, towards self, or towards others!

-love doesn't ASSUME evil of

-Truths make love joyful...not evil or ungodly things. If evil or ungodly things spring up joy, it is not love and it is not of God

-Love hopes, bears, and endures ALL!

-If you love yourself, or God, you act right!

-Love for Self, Love for God, Love for Others NEVER FAILS!

Saints walking in the purpose and will of God exhibit love for God, for self, and for others. They are not independent of each other, each is intertwined. You can't lack one and not lack something for the other two!

They said her name was favor...

something i wrote a couple years ago for church about the story of Hannah


They said her name means Favor




They said her name means Favor. That’s what you had for her Lord. Favor, meaning defeat for my enemies. Favor, meaning with it victory and I are inseparable. To have favor with you, oh Lord. To know that when my tears fall, they fall where you can catch them; that they will flow into a river… and once I climb over tribulation and reach to touch the glory you grant me; that there flow that river that will reflect every time my head hung low and you lifted up my eyes. To know that when my heart aches, that is when you hold me tightest in your arms. To know that when I am breaking, the pieces of me fall in your hands…and you rebuild me. To know that my cries and calling float past this world and directly into your ears, with no detour. To know that even in being empty, I am ever full. Favor, To know that when you hear my voice, you listen…because you know me, because I am one of yours, because when I cry daddy you know its your child calling for you.



They said her name means favor. And at night as she wept and prayed and called you, almost with every breath, and every tear; through blurred eyes looked up to you…she didn’t lose faith. She cried only because she hurt, not because she didn’t believe. She knew who you were. Because you knew who she was. Because she lived for you, so you put life in her. And as her enemies mocked and laughed and claimed the impossible, up went her devotion to you. With every malicious remark made, two more prayers that almost silently left her lips were sent to you. She didn’t cease praying, she didn’t stop believing, she persistently asked for the gift you would bless her with, because she knew you never stopped hearing her. Everything her heart had, she gave to you…because everything she needed you gave to her. And when the world thought the pain was her demise, when the world thought she whispered her desires to you in vain…you showed them the excellence of the God she served with a son that she called the name of God.



They said her name means favor. And she knew what you would do, she knew what favor meant. So when she got off of her knees, sore from talking with you, when she promised to give you the best of whatever you gave to her, when she said your will be done, she got up knowing that it was already done. She needed not to anguish anymore because she understood the God she served. The words that left her lips and the blood that flowed through her veins and hope her heart had came from you. To know that with you, her spirit can rest. To know that she didn’t just live her life, she lived and died with you.



They said her name means favor. And when I pray to you, I’ll think of her. And maybe one day my name will mean favor, too.

love, compassion, royalty


Qu3eN G

Retro blog 1-MY BODY IS A HATER FREE ZONE!

first posted 7/28/08


everyone talks about "haters". I have my own philosophy on haters, what they really are, how to identify them, how to discern honesty from hateration (just because they both start with an "h" DOES NOT MEAN  they are synonyms)...but that is for another blog at another time.


This was just my declaration to all those TRUE haters (even myself, because we have to realize sometimes WE can be our own biggest fall back); everyone and everything persecuting the woman in me that is striving to get out, all those dedicated to suppressing my inner queen...this is dedicated to you.


a bit of a project peace song called 'hater free zone':

my verse: 
wake up in tha mornin i'm just tryna get on my way. 
all intentions of doin right and before i speak already somethin to say. 
now i'm declarin an allergy, i'm hater free startin from today. [God & me], all i need . Negativity stay away!

hook: say the things you wanna say and do the things you wanna do just as long as your realize i'm already over you. run your mouth, hate on me, just realize your losing. get over yourself, im done playing your games, you've entered a hater free zone.

say the things you wanna say and do the things you wanna do just as long as your realize i'm already over you. run your mouth, hate on me, just realize your losing. quit if you don't mind, your just wastin my time, i am allergic to haters like you!


(written in high school, yet it will ALWAYS ring true!)
and to follow up....my philosophy to negativity (updated)

" and please continue to
MAKE ASSUMPTIONS about who i am or who you perceive me to be; 
JUDGMENTS about who you believe i am supposed to be or what i am supposed to do; 
COMMENTS about my actions, decisions, demeanor, etc.; 
continue to 
JUMP to CONCLUSIONS and
PATRONIZE my failures
Because instead of achieving your goal of b/r/e/a/k/i/n/g me
or rising above me
or in your insecurities attempting to feel better about yourself 
by trying to decrease my self worth
you fail to realize that you are the exact fuel i need to keep my fire burning.
so THANK ^_^ YOU! and be persistent--->[because i have learned to L♥VE you and ask my God to Bless You].
all i will do is S M I L E :D
show me evil and i will CONTINUALLY show you love...not out of weakness our subserviency, but out of strength and wisdom. 
i REFUSE refuse to feed into your negativity
i REFUSE to let you absorb all my energy in holding malice in my heart towards you, wishing ill towards you
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER (or the right) TO AFFECT ME
or MY JOY, MY STRENGTH, MY DRIVE, MY COURAGE
note these things are preceded by the possessive pronoun "my"...
meaning FOR ME
meaning I OWN THEM...your hateful words and deeds do not
i will feed you indifference for it is the best combat
i will feed you love because you so desperately need it
i will give glory to my God in times where my heart is heavy and you may think you have a chance at overcoming me...
because PRAISE CONFUSES THE ENEMY...the victory is ALREADY MINE
God put TOO MUCH love in my heart, left only enough space for compassion and forgiveness...
there is no room for toxic hate. my body is a hate free temple, i am allergic.
GOD will remain my CORE, and HE is the only one i will ever look to for approval [yours will NEVER be needed]...


on that note, 
Love. Compassion. Royalty!
Qu3eN G